Breaking Up with Selfish Ambition

[00:00:18] Hey, I got a question for you. Have you ever had one of those weeks where everything you did, it seemed to be an utter failure and the harder you tried, the worse it got? [00:00:32] Like everything you put your hand to seems like it just kind of fell apart? [00:00:37] Yeah, I think that I've kind of had a week like that, and we're gonna chat about that and I'm gonna talk to you a little bit about breaking up with selfish ambition. By the way, my name is Shanna Strange Williams, and. And this is Grace and Grit Mindset podcast. [00:00:55] Yes. And we have been on a journey for the last, I want to say, like eight weeks maybe. And I took a little break here because we were doing these. [00:01:05] We were doing these episodes that were based on this idea of mindset shifts and, you know, just the different ones every week that God had been dealing with me on. And I felt like he wanted me to share it. [00:01:20] And I do have a couple left, but today I was really feeling a little more led toward this idea of breaking up with selfish ambition because I don't know why. I think it's because of what I just said a minute ago. Where have you ever had a week where you feel like everything you did, you failed at? So you just tried harder and it got worse. [00:01:42] So I was having kind of a pity party, to be honest with you. And I was listening to this other podcast. I do try to listen to other Christian based podcasts just to feed my soul a little bit, you know, and the, the lady that hosts that podcast, she was interviewing another lady who was like an overnight success in her ministry. Like, she didn't even want to do what she's doing now. She. She actually had. Her parents were pastors growing up, and she was like, okay, I don't ever want to be on stage in ministry. I don't ever want that word. [00:02:19] I'm. I'm glad my parents did it, and they were great, but I really just want to be in the background. I just. I just want to be like, you know, behind the scenes, working for. For you in the kingdom. She still wanted to serve him, but she didn't want to, like, speak and preach and stuff like that, you know, like her parents did. [00:02:35] And that wasn't God's plan for her. She instantly basically just came into this situation where out of nowhere, this church hired her to come out and be on staff. And then she was just doing background stuff, but then all of a sudden they're like, hey, do you want to preach Sunday? And she's like, oh, okay. And she started feeling like, yes, she was supposed to. So she did, and like, the whole thing blew up. And then she. She had a podcast, and now she's. All she does is travel and travel and travel. And I think she's probably. Probably in her mid-20s. I could just. By listening to her and she was saying how young she was, and. And I was thinking I had this moment where I was like, a little bit envious and a little bit jealous, and I was like, I don't like that. Why do I feel like this, Lord? I mean, I've spent. I mean, I'm. I'm like late 40s. And I have worked so hard sometimes to do what I feel like, you know, God's put in my heart to do. But it's. It often just feels like it doesn't go anywhere sometimes. Well, not sometimes. All the time I struggle with feeling like, why am I even making these podcasts? Why am I even trying to write a book? Why do I even try? Because it honestly feels like it's failing. Like nobody's really getting anything. It's not getting out there. The harder I try to get it out there, the less it does. [00:03:51] And so I just was like, lord, I don't want to feel like this, you know? [00:03:55] And this morning when I was praying, I started my day with just quiet. [00:04:01] No phone, no talking. I just had my cup of coffee and I just sat there and was quiet. And then I journaled a little bit and found myself crying. You know, the frustration was coming out of everything that I'm going through, everything I've been through, the last five or six years of my life have been so hard. [00:04:22] And I just had this thought, and I know that it was a God thought because a lot of my thoughts that were going around in my mind was, man, I feel like all the things that I wanted to do that I thought were God dreams in my heart. [00:04:38] I don't get to do them, and I probably won't ever get to do them. And then that made me think maybe they weren't really God dreams. You know, I've struggled with this for years, but then I heard the Lord say something like this, I probably don't have it. It was more of a feeling and impression I got in my heart was, what if what you are is my bride? Like, I chose you to be my bride. [00:05:00] And it just hit me really hard, cuz, like, what if I never do anything more than just be his bride? Is. Isn't that enough? You know, I mean, that just hit me in my heart. Like, and it made me realize, I'm like, lord, I am so sorry that it's almost like I got this picture of he's in love with me. You know, you have, like, let's just put it in human terms. You have a man who's perfect and handsome and smart and kind and everything you could ever want. [00:05:31] And you're engaged to him, but you don't pay attention to him because you're too busy, like, trying to see if the rest of the world is seeing what's going on with you and him and how amazing your relationship is. And guys, look at this. Look how, look how amazing I must be because he's with me. Kind of like trying to bolster up your low self esteem, you know what I mean? I was getting that feeling. Like, he was like, you're more worried about what everybody else is thinking and saying and how they perceive you. Then you are with the reality that you're my bride. And I just like, oh, gosh, that hurts so bad, y'. All. [00:06:08] And. And it made me just calm down for a minute and stop. [00:06:14] Stop striving. Because, you know, last week was. The episode was called the Sabbath over striving mindset shift, right? [00:06:22] This is kind of like next level of that. [00:06:25] And I just felt like he was saying, like, everything, everything that you think you need to do, you need. You need to let go of it a little bit. Like you're holding it too tight. Whether it be being super ambitious to, you know, grow my business. I'm in that mortgage space. A lot of, you know that. [00:06:47] And, you know, everywhere I go, everywhere. I've worked at multiple different mortgage lenders for multiple lenders, and they always, constantly. Well, I'm at. Now they don't as much, but where I've been before, they pressure you and push you. If you're in sales, you know what I'm talking about. It's all about selling, selling, selling, selling, selling. And you start to feel like a dirty, lowdown person because you feel like all you're doing is using people to get a sale. [00:07:11] And that just didn't set well with me. I'm not that kind of person. Doesn't mean I don't struggle with ambition in different ways. [00:07:17] But I don't like to be inauthentic. I don't like to lie to people. I don't like to just tell them things just to try to get the sale, you know, because there are some people that doesn't bother them. They don't have a conscience that way, you know, But I don't like that. I always wanted to be in a space where I was spiritually or emotionally helping people. [00:07:38] I felt like that was worthwhile. But I struggled with thinking, how do I take my business, my. What God's called me to? How do I take the mortgage thing and make it something that is purposeful in the kingdom? And I don't feel, you know, like it doesn't feel very spiritual to get somebody a mortgage. [00:07:58] And maybe you can relate to that. Maybe your job doesn't feel very spiritual. [00:08:03] Maybe it feels very mundane. Maybe it feels very not what you're passionate about. [00:08:08] And so that can be a struggle in and of itself to see it in a new light where you're like, okay, what I do matters. [00:08:16] But the truth of it is at the bottom of everything, who you really are and who I really am. [00:08:22] We're the bride of Christ, and that's got to be enough. And if it's not, then we got to back up and say, okay, what is my foundation here? Because if I feel like I'm missing out or I feel like I'm a failure, or I feel like God is displeased with me, something's not right there, because that's not the truth, right? So you've got to go back to, why am I striving? What is it about this particular thing that I'm trying to accomplish that would make me feel like I'm. I don't know, something better than what I think I am, which is a lie, but that we believe stuff like that, right? We're like, if I accomplish this thing, I'll finally feel good about myself. [00:09:03] That's not the way it works. [00:09:05] You know, we. God wants us to feel. [00:09:09] Be humbled, of course, but. And not in false humility, not hating yourself, but he wants you to love yourself in a way that's healthy, in a way that's compassionate, but also like, okay, I'm. I'm here. I'm willing to let you operate on me if you need to. I know I need you. I know I can't live without you. That's fine, Fine. But I think a lot of us really measure our worth by success or lack of success. And. And that's the trap of the world. And that's actually what I wanted to read to you today, is kind of about that is selfish ambition versus ambition. That that actually is spiritual and good, because there are two different kinds. And I didn't know this. And that's why I love doing this podcast, because every week I get to Learn something, because God will just kind of put something on my heart. And I'm like, okay, let me study this a little bit. [00:10:03] And because I'm a nerd and I like to look at these words in the Greek, and I like to understand, you know, what they mean. [00:10:11] So this, you know, several scriptures came to mind, and I did look some up as well to see, you know, what. What the Bible has to say about selfish ambition. [00:10:25] And so, of course, the first one that comes up is Philippians 2, 3. Do not act out of selfish ambition or conceit, but with humility. Think of others as being better than yourselves. [00:10:38] Yeah, that's fun. And then James 3:14. [00:10:42] And this one. This one bites a little bit. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don't brag and deny the truth. Actually, there's more to that scripture that I want to read real quick because there's. There's a little more than that. [00:10:58] And then I'm going to talk about what this word means in. In the Greek. Okay, so let's see. With James 3, I'm going to read the whole passage a little bit, because you got to hear this whole thing. So this is 3:13. Who among you is wise and understanding by his good conduct, he should show that his works are done in the gentleness, Gentleness that comes from wisdom. So he's already saying, hey, true wisdom has a gentle, gentle quality to it. But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don't boast and deny the truth for such wisdom. He's talking about this kind of wisdom. It does not come down from above, but it's earthly, unspiritual, and demonic. That's the worldly wisdom that we see all the time. [00:11:45] For where there is e envy, which I was telling you about this morning, I felt it a little bit. But where there's envy and selfish ambition, there is disorder in every evil practice. [00:11:58] But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace, loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits and unwavering without pretense. Hmm. [00:12:09] And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who cultivate peace. And this is so good. [00:12:15] Yeah. So I just want to hit that again. But if you have bitter, Indian selfish ambition in your heart, don't boast. And then he says that that kind of wisdom is demonic and unspiritual. For where there is envy and selfish ambition, there is disordering disorder in every evil practice. [00:12:33] So what is this word ambition in. In the Greek? Because it really Matters. And I didn't know this because, you know, ambition is ambition. Like when you're, when you're just a person who speaks English and you're like, oh, that, that word just means, you know, it just means somebody who's really striving really hard. It does mean striving, which is actually what we talked about last week. We, we are not supposed to do, we're supposed to live in Sabbath rest. [00:12:59] I think, I think there is a healthy bit of, of. I don't want to use the word striving, but this healthy work with God, that's not, not striving. It's different. If you didn't catch that episode, go back and listen. If you struggle with strife and stressed out all the time and you need to rest and learn how to rest. [00:13:20] Okay? So this word though, where he says selfish ambition is the Greek word yay, erythea. And it does mean contention, it does mean strife. [00:13:37] But here is what really shocked me while I was looking at this. [00:13:43] It actually, it can mean work for hire, properly work done merely for hire as a mercenary. Referring therefore to carnal ambition. [00:13:56] It is a mercenary or self seeking person acting for one's own gain, regardless of the discord, strife that it causes. It places self interest ahead of what the Lord declares, right, or what is good for others. [00:14:13] That's the key right there. What is good for others, which in that scripture I just read to you from Philippians. [00:14:21] Let me go back and see that real quick. [00:14:26] Do not act out of selfish ambition or conceit, but with humility. Think of others as being better than yourselves. [00:14:33] So what you have here is someone who is caught up in selfish ambition. [00:14:42] The word picture is that they're like a mercenary. [00:14:47] It's like they're, they're willing to murder other people, you know, so to speak, symbolically, to get what they want. [00:14:59] And what's so sad is you. I expect that from the world, right? I expect that from people who don't know God. And they call it just, just, you know, work ethic and you know, grinding it out and doing what you have to do to get to where you feel like you deserve this. You just have to work, work, work. And it doesn't really matter who you hurt along the way. [00:15:18] I expect that from the world, but I don't expect that from the body of Christ. But yet we see it, don't we? We see it and I think that it's disguised so cleverly by the enemy that we miss it. [00:15:34] You know, we don't realize that what we're actually wanting or desiring is not coming from a good motive. And that's scary. It really is. And how do you know? How do you know if what you're ambitious for, what your ambition is? How do you know that it's good and holy? And this is the test, I think, is your motive for the benefit of other people, to help them, or is it solely just about you getting something that you want or need? [00:16:12] Now, here's the thing. Let's put it in terms that are more practical, okay? We all have to have money to live, right? [00:16:19] I told you, I'm in sales. Well, you can imagine how hard it is when you work really hard on something and you don't get paid, you know, because I'm commission, so. And most sales positions are that way. I mean, you can work for. I can work on something for months with somebody or even years, only for them to pull the plug at the last minute. [00:16:37] And there I am having no idea how I'm gonna make it through the next month because, you know, they didn't, they didn't go through with, with whatever the loan we were working, working on. And, and I mean, I'm sure you can understand that. Like if you work a 9 to 5 or something like that. How would you feel if you clocked in every day and you. You didn't get paid? I mean, sometimes you did, sometimes you would get mad after a while, right? So I've had. I've had to really wrestle with this whole thing and go, okay, Lord, I need money, I need provision. [00:17:11] But I work unto you. I am in this industry because you put me here. [00:17:18] So it's your responsibility to make sure that I have what I need. You are Jehovah Jireh. That's how you presented yourself to Abraham. You are the God who provides. And if I'm doing this is so scriptural, because I've been just walking this out for the last few years. If I'm doing what you tell me to do, if I seek first the kingdom, then all these things are going to be added. The things that I need, you know, that I need provision. You know, I need shelter, you know, I need food, water, you know, I need this stuff. So your. Your word says that if I do, if I just seek you first and all these other things are going to be added to me, right? But it can get really hard when you feel like you need something. [00:17:59] You start to put pressure on the people around you to, you know, pay that to you instead of to God. So what I'm trying to say is if you're in an industry like I'm in, or you're in ministry. I did this in ministry too. [00:18:16] Selfish ambition to thinking that it was like I was doing something for God, but really what I was doing was probably for me. I wanted to be seen. I wanted people to see that I could write a song and I could sing, really at the core of it. And I'm so ashamed to even admit it that I think there was some of that going on. Not. Not completely. But I do think all of us struggle with this. Because here's the thing. When people start applauding you, when people start saying, you're doing a really good job, man, I love your voice. I love your songs. I listen to you speak and it just touched me. You can really start thinking it' you. [00:18:51] And you start to crave, like that. That applause and that just fanfare. It feels good. To someone who's been broken down and humbled by life, you know, or someone who feels like they're less than everyone else. And so that. That can start a cycle of selfish ambition where you're just trying to do something over and over and over and your motive is no longer pure. [00:19:17] Now you're starting to build something else apart from the Lord. So I just really want to point out to you that it's all about motive, you know? Why. [00:19:29] Why do you want the thing you want? Or why are you doing the things you're doing? [00:19:34] What's it really about? Get, you know, get really honest with yourself. Because you may, like, on the surface, think it's one thing, but as you start to dig down into it, you'll start to realize, like, I think that there's some ambition in my heart, you know, I think that I want this for me, but this is not what God wants. And it can be really hard to distinguish your voice when you want something really bad in God's voice. [00:20:00] Just because you can do something well doesn't mean you're supposed to do it. [00:20:06] Like, maybe it's a season, you know, maybe it's not at all like, for me, because I could. I was musical my whole life because I could do it. Because I had a gift to write songs. I just assumed that must be where God wanted to take me, right? [00:20:23] Or maybe you have a gift. You're creative and maybe you can paint. Or maybe you are a good writer. Maybe you are super. Just. [00:20:32] I don't know what it could be. Maybe you're. [00:20:37] I'm drawing a blank here. Whatever. Whatever it is. And so Whatever it is you're good at, you're thinking, this must be what God has, or I wouldn't be good. I wouldn't be, you know, doing this. Like I feel compelled to do this because I'm so good at it. Well, not always. [00:20:54] Not always. There are seasons in your life where God may say, I don't want you to do that anymore. I want you to stop. I want you to seek me. And I'm in that season. And that's been really hard. [00:21:04] But I went through so much disaster and chaos and betrayal and all that that there. There probably was no way that I could have continued doing some of the things I was doing in ministry and went through that. And so I needed some time to just like, be with him and be restored. And that's taken years because every time I think good, something else happens. [00:21:33] Not because I'm causing it, but just because things are happening in my life with people around me and it causes me to take like 20 steps back, you know, But I really have finally dug my feet in. And I feel like this is not how selfish ambition this is. I feel like God saying to me, you're always going to have things come against you and you're going to have to do what I tell you to do anyway. You're going to have to obey. You're just. You're gonna have to stand your ground. And so that's not selfish ambition, because that is. [00:22:03] I'm not doing this for applause or fanfare. [00:22:09] I know that anything good in me, anything I do, write or say, sing, whatever loans that I help people with, you know, I could do a million dollar loan. But I can tell you what, I'll never think that I did it. I'll never. Because I've been broken and humbled by life so much. [00:22:29] I'll never believe that. That I am amazing, because I'm not. He is. [00:22:35] He is absolutely amazing. And I am just a vessel. He just works through me and for the good of others. [00:22:44] But if you're. If your desire and your goal is to get more money or is to get more attention or fame, that's selfish ambition. And he's probably not going to help you with that. [00:22:59] The devil may present opportunities to you to take that stuff. And you see so many of that going on around us, so many people who just sell their soul to try to gain the world. [00:23:14] And I think we all have that test sometime in our life. But especially, especially if you're called to some kind of visible ministry where, you know, you're kind of I wouldn't say elevated or exalted, but I would just say you're called to a position that's very visible. [00:23:34] He's going to come at you with that kind of stuff. And I'm so grateful that. And this is hard to say because it hurts really bad. I'm grateful that the Lord shut a bunch of doors in my face so that I didn't go down the wrong road and so that I didn't follow selfish ambition and become a person who was lost, who lost my soul and gained the world. You know, we're seeing it all around us, all these pastors that have fallen and famous musicians, Christian musicians. [00:24:06] But let this. Let this definition, this Greek word, keep that in mind that, you know, this selfish ambition, it's so hard to say that, right? [00:24:17] It's like a mercenary seeking only what they like. They're hired. You know, it's only about getting the money. It's only, I'm gonna kill this person so I can get the money. I mean, there's just no good motivation there. There's no emotion. There's. There's nothing good about that. [00:24:35] And we can try to justified and say, yeah, but the end goal was I was going to help people. And, you know, if God did this or that, then my goal was to. [00:24:45] Is it really, though, or was it really about you needing to be seen and heard? [00:24:51] I don't know. You know, I mean, that's something only you can answer. And, And I'm not trying to bring condemnation. I never am trying to do that. But I do like to bring conviction if that's what the Lord has. Because I don't know about you, but I don't want to. I don't want to live like that. I don't want to live in opposition to the Lord. Because knowing that this type of ambition is demonic and unspiritual, and it's not from him, I don't want to do that. Right. [00:25:18] I don't want to lose myself. [00:25:20] I love. What. [00:25:22] Let me just read a couple of these. [00:25:27] I like what. [00:25:29] Okay, well, let me just read this first. Sorry. Galatians 5, 1921. Now, the works of the flesh are obvious. [00:25:35] Sexual, sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambitions, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I tell you about these things in advance, as I told you before, that those who practice such things, things will not inherit the kingdom of God. [00:26:00] First John 2:16. For everything that belongs to the world. The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride in one's lifestyle is not from the Father, but is from the world. And the world with its lust is passing away. But the one who does God's will remains forever. So that's what we're dealing with, is the stuff of the world. The lust of the flesh, the eyes and the pride of our life. [00:26:23] That's what stirs up our selfish ambition. Right? So let's. We talked about what that kind of ambition looks like. But there is a healthy ambition that I didn't realize until I started looking at scriptures about this, that there are some things it's okay to be ambitious about because it's not the same word. It's not this word that is like a mercenary word. [00:26:47] This is just like a person who is, I would say, going after something, pursuing something from like a more place of a zealous place. They're passionate about it, right? It's a passion. So Thessalonians 4, 11. I guess it's second or first, I'm not sure. [00:27:03] And to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you. I love this. Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life. Does anybody do that anymore? Because I don't think they do. [00:27:17] I think we live in such a loud, obnoxious world where everybody's clamoring for attention. [00:27:22] Like, I can't even stand the Tick Tock app. I use it, but I hate it. But you know why? Because the moment I turn it on, it's some loud, blaring, obnoxious person doing something ridiculous. And I'm like, ah, I can't stand this. [00:27:37] I can't stand this. You know, I long. I don't know how you feel, but I am in a place in my life where I long for peace and quiet. [00:27:45] I live out in the country where it's pretty quiet. I long for stress free living, maybe a little solitude, sometimes coffee, reading, things that bring my cortisol levels down, things that make me feel at peace. Right? And I don't think a lot of people have an ambition to live that way. And it's a simple life. Most people are trying to make their life more complex. [00:28:14] But he's saying here, man, make it your ambition to make your life quieter and more simple and just attend to your own business. [00:28:25] Romans 15, 20, 21. If you're going to be ambitious. I love this one. My ambition has always been to preach the good News, where the name of Christ has never been heard, rather than where a church has already been started by someone else. [00:28:40] That's something you can be ambitious about. [00:28:43] Second Corinthians 5, 9. Therefore, we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him. [00:28:53] That's awesome. [00:28:54] And so he's saying, you know, we have this passion. [00:28:58] No matter where I'm at, I want to be pleasing to him. And we know that we are because of the blood of Jesus. But, you know, you can. You can get caught up in what. First John was talking about the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, the pride of life and that kind of ambition and. And be displeasing. And God, you know, not that he's cutting you off, obviously, but he's just saying, that's. That's not what I want for you. That's not the kind of life I want you to live. [00:29:25] I want you to live a quiet life that's free from that type of mercenary ambition. [00:29:35] You know, I don't know that I've gotten there yet. I'm definitely trying. [00:29:40] But I do know I want to please him, and I want that more than some other goal or desire. And I'm gonna go back to this. As I'm kind of wrapping things up today, I try to always get done in 30 minutes. But I want to go back to what I said at the beginning. [00:29:55] I want my ambition to be pleasing to him because I am the bride of Christ, and it's enough for me to just be his bride. So if I write songs and no one else hears them but him, that's enough. If I write books and no one reads them, that's enough. Because I wrote it unto him. It's not waste. He is my audience, and he is your audience. [00:30:21] And I think that we get lost and caught up in this world because we can't see him right now. It's the disconnect of living in a fallen world. We know we're saved and we're going to see him, but we physically are not with him. And I think that we get caught up in the world that we can see, and we start to pursue things that don't matter, or we start to believe lies that we have to do certain things for him to love us or other people to love us, whatever. All of it's garbage, right? [00:30:52] He chose you. You're his bride. [00:30:55] I'm his bride. [00:30:57] That's enough. I just want to be pleasing, and I just want to be ambitious toward that goal. And passionate toward that goal. So I hope today that this message found found you in a good place and you don't hate me or whatever or you don't feel offended. Definitely am not trying to be offensive but I do want to help help bring bring the same freedom that I have am walking in right now and I pray that your the rest of your week is blessed. You know you can always go to my website shannastrange.net I feel like a broken record because I say that every week. Shannastrange.net I'll probably have a blog posted there pretty pretty soon. Related to this, I did find that I had an old blog called Breaking up with ambition from 2019. So if you go back to my blog, part of my website and you just go back to older entries, you'll find it from 2019. It was actually really good. So go back and read that and see if it blesses you and just remind you of what really matters. [00:31:57] And I guess that's it for this week. I'll see you guys next week. [00:32:05] He's bringing new light and no hate is coming is burning through.