Are You A Highly Sensitive Person?

[00:00:17] All right, you are back for another fun filled, adventurous episode with me. [00:00:24] My name is Shanna Williams. This is Grace and Grit Mindset podcast. And you know what? I'm super, super excited. Maybe you can't tell by my voice, but I am, because I want to talk about something today that I have figured out or has become. It has come to my attention, let's put it that way. [00:00:45] I have learned some things and I want to share them with you. [00:00:49] Let me ask you something. [00:00:52] Do you know what HSP means? [00:00:56] Do you. Have you ever heard of the phrase a highly sensitive person? [00:01:01] Have you ever been accused of being a highly sensitive person? [00:01:07] If you have, you're in the right place. [00:01:11] Because today I am going to release some truth that may just set you free if you feel like. And you have been accused of being a highly sensitive person as if that were a terrible, awful, horrible, horrible thing that you need to fix about yourself. Right? I know for me, I have been accused of that many times. Why are you so sensitive? Oh, my gosh, you're just so emotional. Why are you so sensitive? And it was something that I've tried to fix the majority of my life. [00:01:41] I thought there's something wrong with me, so I need to make myself less sensitive. [00:01:46] Well, after decades of trying to do that, how many of you know, you can't really change your entire personality personality? Like, you can surrender to the Holy Spirit in some areas for sure, and you can grow and you can die to yourself. And yeah, you can definitely do that. But, you know, like, the way that God made you, there's nothing wrong with your personality. Right. And so I think sometimes what has happened is we live in this fast paced, loud, obnoxious culture. [00:02:19] And I talk about this all the time because it drives me insane that for whatever reason, we feel like the louder and the faster and the bigger we are. [00:02:30] You know, I mean, in terms of our lives being huge and all the activities that we have going on and, and everybody that's allowed is looked up to. And if you're an extrovert, then that's. That's the. That's the goal. Everybody needs to be an extrovert. Everybody needs to be going full speed all the time. Everybody. You know what? Like, that is not everybody's personality. And if you try to live in a way that you were not created, you will find yourself in complete burnout. [00:02:59] You'll find yourself not only spiritually struggling, like, maybe starting to feel disconnected from God, maybe feeling afraid, but then you'll start to feel emotional issues as well. You will fear more fear, feel more fear and depression and anxiety. If you're already prone to that, you'll feel isolated, you'll feel lonely, but then you'll have some physical responses in your body, which I have often felt, and I'm going to talk about that in just a minute. [00:03:29] But you'll have some physical responses in your body, too, that are great indicators that you're living in a way that you are not designed to live. And. And I want to set you free today. I want to bring truth into this space, and I want to completely debunk the whole myth that you have to be allowed. Extroverted, busy body, individual. [00:03:53] If you're not, then you're failing. Okay, so hsp. Highly sensitive person. [00:04:02] If you are a highly sensitive person, you've probably been a person who feels things super deeply, like on a level that most other people around you don't feel. [00:04:18] I'll give you an example. [00:04:20] The other day I was at the airport, and I'm going to talk about this little airport situation and what happened, but first I'm going to tell you this story. So I was at the airport, and there was a man there who was crippled, and he had some kind of degenerative disease. He was disfigured. His legs were, like, not straight. They weren't like, they were completely deformed. And he had braces on his arms, and he was having to use these braces to, like, help him walk. And you could just tell that every step he took, he was wincing in pain. [00:04:52] And I was already an emotional basket case because I was tired and I was flying by myself and I was traveling. And I had been in a weird city that I didn't know. And it was just like, okay, I don't feel. God, I'm just scared, you know, I want to go home. But when I saw him, I immediately. My heart broke and I started crying, and I wanted to run up to him and just say, can I pray for you? Like, I just. I wanted to beg God to heal this man. [00:05:19] And I felt his pain at such a deep level that it almost took my breath away. And I had to, like, control myself. I thought I was going to have to just run to the bathroom and just start wailing, you know, and that's. That's a small taste of what it's like to be a highly sensitive person. It doesn't mean you're weak. If anything, it means that you're really emotionally strong and you're highly empathetic. [00:05:46] And, you know, empathy is a Beautiful gift, but it's also a very hard gift to live with. [00:05:54] Jesus was so empathetic and so compassionate and just so in tune with other people and their pain. And when you live that way, it can be very exhausting and debilitating. And that was what I was going to say. Like, do you ever ask yourself, like, why does everything exhaust me? [00:06:17] Why does everything exhaust me? I feel like that, like, things that other people, they just run around and go here, thither and hither, thither, thither and yawn and just run around. [00:06:28] I'm over here like, okay, I went to Walmart today and I'm exhausted, you know, like, because I, I think so much of it is the sensory overload that happens when you're highly sensitive and people who don't have that, they don't understand. They think that you're just making it up, but you're absolutely not. Like, it's so, so challenging when you are a highly sensitive person. So you kind of, like, maybe you ask things like, why does the world feel loud, fast and heavy? Or maybe you ask, is something wrong with me? Or am I just overwh? [00:07:03] You know, because I've thought that before too. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed. But no, this is a pattern in my life. [00:07:09] I have always been super, super sensitive in a lot of different ways. And it's okay. It's about learning. [00:07:19] What we're going to do today is learn to understand ourselves, not fix ourselves. This is not something you need to fix. [00:07:25] It's something that you need to be aware of so that you can learn how to take care of yourself better. Okay. That's really what this episode is about. Now let me back up and tell you why I'm doing this episode. [00:07:36] I went to Detroit this last week and I really didn't have peace about going, but I knew I needed to. It's really kind of something because of the mortgage lending business I'm in, it's. It's kind of expected for me to go up there a couple times a year. They actually want us to go four. I can't do it. I can't do it. So I generally go one or two times a year and it's exhausting to me, especially when I don't know anybody there and I have to go completely alone. I have to navigate the airport, I have to navigate getting an Uber back and forth. I have to get on a shuttle bus with a bunch of people I don't know and go back and forth to this mortgage lender place and Be in these classes all day with people I don't know. And it's just a very awkward, exhausting situation for me. [00:08:24] But it's not just exhausting. It's almost debilitating for me. [00:08:30] And, you know, I just kind of fell apart this last week. And I was even having muscular pain, which is not abnormal for me, but it definitely, definitely shows up worse in my neck and shoulders. I have a burning pain in my shoulders. It feels like they're on fire. Anytime that I get stressed or I'm doing something that requires a lot of me doing something with my upper body, like playing an instrument or typing or reading, or even if I'm in the kitchen doing something in there, I will. I'll start to have really searing burning pain in my shoulders, in my neck. And it's frustrating, you know, and so I know that, that I'm probably standing in a really unhealthy way or just pulling my shoulders up because I'm. I'm going into fight or flight, but I don't realize I'm going into fight or flight. So, you know, when you do that, everything tightens up. [00:09:27] Blood flow gets restricted. And so that makes sense as to why my muscles burn. So, you know, and it didn't matter what I tried to do while I was navigating the airport. I would just. I would try to breathe. And I even found a massage therapy thing in there and got a massage a couple times. And it would help a little bit, but honestly it wasn't. [00:09:47] My body would not come out of fight or flight for days on end. And finally when I got in the car, I flew back into the small airport close by because I hate, I hate driving into Dallas and flying from that airport. Yes, I know it's ridiculous, but I just, I'm telling you, I'm a highly sensitive person. [00:10:03] I don't like driving in the big city. It stresses me out. So I usually leave from a small airport close by. So when I got in my car and I had just gotten back from the trip, I completely melted down in the car. I cried uncontrollably all the way home. [00:10:22] I could barely move. And then the next day I broke down again, crying uncontrollably. [00:10:29] And I even stretched a few times. And every time I would stretch, I would start crying because it was just releasing, you know, this pent up stress that I had from the trip. [00:10:42] And this might sound. See, you know, there's some people, I'm thinking they're listening to this, if they're still listening and they're thinking you're ridiculous. Like, I travel all the time. That's great. [00:10:51] I'm so happy for you. You're probably not a highly sensitive person, but if you are a highly sensitive person, you know exactly what I'm talking about. [00:11:00] Things like, you know, because what it is, is a heightened nervous system that processes more information, process information more deeply. It's not that we're special, it's that our nervous system, it processes more information deeply than a normal person. So that can be like heightened awareness of sound, light, emotion, tone, atmosphere, nuances. [00:11:26] So we are, we're listening very intently and closely. It's almost like hyper fixation as opposed to adhd. It's so hyper focused that you like to blow something up, you know, with your mind, you know, but it's. We're just taking in so much information from every angle and it causes a complete depletion of, you know, strength and stamina and endurance. And you're burning up every. Everything in your body that you need and you're not replenishing it. You're not drinking enough water, not getting an electrolytes, you're not eating protein. You know, when you're traveling, you eat crap, you eat. You drink coffee non stop or Coke Zeros and get a bag of candy. And then I got a pretzel and then, I mean, I mean, I ate terrible the whole time, you know, and it was just. It took my body three or four days to get out of that dysregulation that I was in. [00:12:25] And I was just beating myself up, but I finally just was like, you know what? I'm gonna. I know I'm a highly sensitive person. I'm gonna do some more research. I'm gonna dive into this a little bit more because I'm tired and of fighting against my body, right? I can't change who I am in my core. There's a reason God made me this way. And there's a reason God made you this way. If you're a highly sensitive person and instead of beating yourself up, realize the beautiful gift that it is and then learn how to take care of yourself, okay? [00:12:55] So what? A highly sensitive person is not. It does not mean you're weak. It does not mean you're fragile. It's not that you're being too emotional. It's not immaturity. It's not a disorder. And it's not something you need to overcome. [00:13:08] It's just a wiring. It's the way that God's wired you. It's. It's not A flaw. Okay. And the beautiful thing about being a highly sensitive person person is, to me is the empathy level. And because you have so much empathy for other people, it makes you a really good human being. You care deeply, you love deeply, you feel deeply. [00:13:33] This is what allows me to create art. [00:13:37] It's like the shadow. Okay? So the beautiful part of the gift is that I can empathize with other people and I can understand their pain and I can create things that will encourage them, whether that be this podcast or a book or a song that I wrote. I've had so many people tell me like your song is. It's exactly what I couldn't see. Say, like you said what I wanted to say and what I needed to say and the pain that I felt, you know, but that's what it does. And people who are artists, that's. That's usually a lot of times where they're creating from is. It is a place of pain, but it's. It's to bring comfort to other people because they. They have empathy in their heart for other people, and they just understand their pain and they want to create beauty and art that will comfort them in some way. [00:14:27] And so it's not a bad thing. It's a wiring thing. [00:14:31] So when you understand that, you understand that you have to take care of yourself in a little bit different way than someone who's not wired this way. Okay. So for a sensitive person, highly sensitive person, it's all about learning. I'm just going to be real practical, too. It's all about learning your personality. Because even. Even within a highly sensitive community of people, some people are just going to respond differently than others. I know for me, I require lots of quiet time. And it's okay, like, my. My husband's here, and that's fine, but I can't be in a big crowd of people. [00:15:14] I like to live in the country. I don't like to live in a loud city. I don't like traffic. I don't like big stores where there's tons of people. Like, if you asked me to go Black Friday shopping, that's like the worst thing I would ever. I would never want to do that. Like, don't ever ask me that now. If you want to ask me if, hey, let's go up to the mountains and get a cabin, I'm all about that. [00:15:42] Like, I don't like big crowds. They stress me out to the max. And so, you know, that's not something I can change about myself. [00:15:50] That's not something I need to get counseling for, and, you know, try to overhaul my personality. That's just. I understand that about myself. So the things that make me feel better are writing and reading and I love to walk outside in the. In the sunlight. I love to feel the sun on my skin. I love to see beautiful. [00:16:12] I love to go to beautiful places and see what God's created. I love to look at art. I love beautiful music. I love to play beautiful music. [00:16:20] All of these things. But also. So, you know, it's also things like this is where it gets really practical, like eating healthy. [00:16:30] I cannot tell you how. How big of a difference this makes, because if you're a super sensitive person, you burn through nutrition and you. You burn through minerals and amino acids a lot faster than other people because you're trying to process things and you're probably processing a lot faster emotionally than most people do. And so what I've learned to do is instead of restrict myself as far as don't eat carbs. You know, don't eat this, don't eat that. I actually am learning to go, okay, my body needs carbs, okay? Like, if I don't eat the carbs, my serotonin level gets off. I turn into a basket case. My body can't. I can't think straight. [00:17:24] So it's not about cutting carbs out. It's like, okay, no, I need to pull in healthy carbs, but I need to balance that with quality protein and fat, and I need to make sure that the carbs that I eat are not going to spike my blood sugar. So it's all about balancing blood sugar because you're already worked up. If you're a highly sensitive person and you're in the throes of feeling, like, overwhelmed, the worst thing you can do is either A, don't eat it all, or B, go eat an entire cake, which I have done both. You know, the best thing that you could do for yourself is actually go eat a balanced meal with some good protein, some healthy carbs, and some fat and maybe some vegetables, whatever, you know. But I've learned that when I got back, you know, normally what I would do after something like that is I would just binge eat, like pizza and drink Coke Zeros and whatever I wanted, eat a bunch of cookies and just whatever for three or four days. Because my body want. It's craving. My brain is craving the quick fixed sugar, you know, because it's out of balance and it knows that. And so it's thinking, okay, well, if I just eat this, this unhealthy carbs, this sugar. I'll get that fix right? But we know that doesn't fix it, right? That's just a band aid. So what I decided to do this time. And I hope I haven't lost everybody, because this is so. I'm gonna talk about. This is practical. What I decided to do this time was actually really get dialed in on my nutrition and give my body what it actually needed. And so I ate, like, sourdough bread with an egg and turkey bacon. And then I had, like, a sweet potato, and I stuffed it with turkey, ground turkey, and put some black beans in it and a little bit of cheese, a little bit of sour cream. And then, you know, I had, like, a smoothie with blueberries and spinach and yogurt in it. And, oh, my gosh, it was so satisfying. And I also made myself some herbal tea. I used a rest. It was a formulation I found, and it had. It was specifically for helping you calm down and not just like, in a. Like, chamomile is great, and it had chamomile in it. But I went a step further and put linden flower in it. And I'm telling you, it calmed me down. It got me out of fight or flight because I couldn't get my body regulated. And it was. It was. It was alarming to me. I've never had that bad of a reaction to traveling, but I've also not necessarily traveled the way that I just did. I. I went somewhere where I didn't know anybody. I think that was a lot of it. [00:20:08] But I also think, you know, the older I get, the worse it gets. But also, what I've been through in the past year of my life, all the trauma that I've been through, I think had a lot to do with this situation. [00:20:22] And instead of beating myself up, I actually just listened to my body. I drank a ton of water, and my body was so thirsty. It was like, please give me water. And I just kept drinking water. I kept getting quality sleep, eating good. [00:20:36] I was so tired, I didn't even want to walk. And that was okay. I let myself not beat myself up about not exercising when you feel like that. [00:20:46] So I just want to encourage you that it's not always spiritual or the root may be physical, and you. You need to address it. But if you're a highly sensitive person, I'm giving you permission to, like, not treat yourself bad because you think you're a loser, because you are tired, because you are exhausted, because you feel overwhelmed and drained, because you're not, like, Everybody else around you who just wants to go, go, go, and they want to go to a party and Friday night and stay out till midnight, 2 o'. Clock. And you know, the people that I was with that I did meet that were. [00:21:22] They work at the same company I do, I didn't know them, but they were, they were staying out late and drinking and, and that's fine. But I'm like, listen, I can't do that stuff. I don't know how people live like that. My body's like, no, I'm going to the hotel and I am chilling, I am laying down because of just the over overwhelmingness. [00:21:47] Highly sensitive person in a place like that. [00:21:51] And so, you know, it's not just in these situations where I personally, maybe you've experienced this too, where it's a work situation or travel, but it's also just a spiritual situation where I have to be really careful. And this is another point that I want to make. Being really careful where you go. [00:22:10] Because if you are sensitive, you're highly empathetic. So when you get into a room with other people, you are going to feel their pain and you could, you could very well take that on. And before you know it, you are sad and depressed and overwhelmed and burdened. I mean, that's not the way that God wants us to experience. The gift I've learned, and I'm still learning this is that when I do sense it, because I do believe, you know, some people are just wired to sense these things more. [00:22:38] When I do sense it, I do need to pray the way that the Lord leads me and I need to release it to him. There's a, there's a, there's a moment of intercession. If that's the way you feel led to go. If you're in the environment where God's telling you to do that, intercede on behalf of or and pray the way the Holy Spirit leads you. But then you, you have to learn how to let something go and give it to him. And I don't know how to tell someone to do that other than just, you know, you may have to learn the hard way or you just have to ask the Lord to help you. How do I lay this down? How do I not let this become an overwhelming situation for me where I'm carrying someone else's burden all the time, but also just not going to places that you don't have peace about. You know, there's a reason sometimes that we don't have peace about certain things and we don't need to bypass that. There have been moments in my life where I knew the Lord told me not to do something. And I'll say specifically, like, one of the times I went back to college, I knew I wasn't supposed to do it, but I was in a season in my life where I was angry with the Lord because he had, I felt, like, really disappointed me and closed some doors. And I thought, you know what? I don't even know what to believe is true anymore. So I'm just gonna go do, like, what the world does, and I'm just gonna pursue, you know, what I think is a good career fit for me, what I think would be a good consolation prize since I didn't get what I wanted, you know, and so I went ahead and started. [00:24:12] Started taking some college classes in psychology, and. [00:24:15] And I did fine. But, you know, it got to the point where the Lord sent someone into my life and. And they didn't even know that I was going to college. And I remember them saying something. There was a group of us together, and we were praying, and this person was like, there's somebody here. And you're. You're just like, you're going in a direction God doesn't want you to go. And, I mean, they were crying. They're like, please stop. You know, and I just knew in my spirit it was me, like, I'm the one. [00:24:42] So I ended up drop out of. Of my classes at that time. And, you know, but I knew in my spirit that's not where he wanted me, but I did it anyway. And there's reasons that God doesn't give us peace. [00:24:58] And so when we go into these places or situations, we put ourselves there. He did not do it. But we are like, well, I'm just gonna do this, you know, and then we lose our peace or we become overwhelmed by it. [00:25:11] And so I just want to encourage you to listen. Listen to your. [00:25:16] Listen to the Holy Spirit, what he's telling you, you know, and. And be mindful of that. And don't put yourself in these situations, you know, where it becomes an issue for you, right? So. [00:25:30] But if you're a highly sensitive person, you know, being in. In being around constant noise, constant information, constant demands, constant urgency, constant emotional exposure that is going to lead you, which is the modern world, by the way, that will lead you into burnout. And so there has. You have to learn how to regulate it. [00:25:52] And that might mean maybe you got to find a new career field, you know, I. I did. I didn't necessarily switch careers. [00:26:01] I found a Different role in the same career field that I was in, but I found a much better fit for me. And I don't feel that way anymore. I used to cry. [00:26:14] I used to lay on the floor and cry because I would get screamed at by people with my job and all my job was done online and on the phone, and people would call or I would call them and, you know, trying to get the details ironed out or get. Get documents from them on. On specific things for their loan applications. And if anything went wrong, I got screamed at, yelled at, I was called names, I was cussed out. [00:26:43] I mean, I have never been talked to the way that I was talked to when I did that. And I would just find myself on the floor crying and wailing, begging God to get me out of it. And it took a couple years, and he did. He did move me out of it. [00:26:58] And he put me in a role that more aligned with my personality, and it has been so much better. But, you know, that job with constant noise, constant demands, constant urgency, you know, not everybody can live in constant urgency, especially the older you get. And if you've ever. If you've ever been traumatized and you have ptsd, no, you can't really live in that kind of environment anymore. And. And that's okay. And I just want to be a voice that. That's telling you today that you don't have to beat yourself up because you are this way, and you don't have to try to fix yourself. You just need to try to take care of yourself. You need to understand the way that God made you. [00:27:44] I love the scripture in Psalm 139, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. [00:27:53] We are not a mistake. [00:27:55] There's nothing wrong with you. [00:27:59] Even though society tells you that everybody needs to be an extrovert, and extroverts are held in this special, amazing place that they're so much better than everyone else. [00:28:11] And I'm not trying to downplay them either, but I'm just saying if you're not a person who wants to be always seen and visible and loud and the center of attention, that's okay. It's okay. [00:28:25] In fact, I applaud you. Lead a quiet, beautiful life. [00:28:30] Love the people around you, take care of them, take care of yourself. [00:28:35] That is beautiful. [00:28:39] And, you know, I'll probably dive more into this topic, a little bit spiritually, more so in the next few weeks, but I wanted to give just a good intro into it and tell you my story and why I decided to. To go this direction. [00:28:55] But also, if you missed the last three episodes before this one, they were all about creativity, and especially creativity as art. But it's therapeutic, but it's also wired in our DNA. We were created to create. [00:29:10] Our father is an artist, so we are as well and kind of uncovering this artistry that exists in all of us. And it's also way that God will use to heal you, and he's certainly done that for me. Someone encourage you to go back and listen to those episodes. [00:29:27] I think they could be very useful. You could put them in your tool belt if you're a person who's trying to heal from trauma or you're just trying to fix your mindset. [00:29:37] Very useful. [00:29:38] And, you know, I've got some really cool stuff coming up. I'm working on a book, hoping to have that done in the next couple months, God willing. It's so hard to try to write. It's just there's always something coming up, you know, So I appreciate your prayers for that. I definitely want to release that book in the next four or five months. I think it's going to be phenomenal. And all the healing and encouragement that it's going to bring to people who struggle with capturing their thoughts, really, it's all about learning how to capture thoughts before they turn into wildfires, because I've got a PhD in that, basically. So until next time, I pray that you guys have a good week. And, you know, you can always reach out to [email protected] and I pray you have a great week. See you soon. [00:30:39] Ha.